Archive for June, 2004

L.A. Heat

Wednesday, June 30th, 2004

Clint Eastwood was slightly to the right of atilla the hun, Mel Gibson had a deathwish, Bruce Willis was burnt out, and Michael Winslow made funny noises. Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs wants to be a fairly sucky cowboy who gets shot by an indian with furry boots, which is the worst kind of indian there is.

The House On Sorority Row

Monday, June 28th, 2004

I’m not sure when slasher flicks featuring sorority girls became a clich?, but I’d believe that it was at the very moment writer/director Mark Rosman penned the first scene of this slice of 80’s horror.

Portrait Of A Hitman

Thursday, June 24th, 2004

Being a 70s movie, they express their friendship in the form of high speed races in sports cards, but still, Palance can’t go through with it.

Cyborg Cop

Thursday, June 24th, 2004

Cyborg Cop. Is a cyborg better than a robot, or “Robo”? Perhaps. Is Cyborg Cop better than Robocop 1, 2, 3 or that weird series with his magical inter-web pixie friend? No.

Street Gun

Sunday, June 6th, 2004

Street Gun is moulded after many a classic cinematic crime story. Or should that be mouldy?